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It can very often be difficult to say no to people who make demands of us, and if we say no, we can get caught up in self-critical thoughts leading us to feel guilty. To avoid feeling guilty, we just keep on saying “yes” to every request.

Someone asks us to do something:

We can learn ways of saying “No” that don’t lead us to think self-critically or feel guilty. For example:

• I’m sorry but I really can’t take on anything else at the moment.
• I’m quite busy right now. Perhaps another time.
• I’d like to help you out, but I just don’t feel up to it at the moment.
• Thank you for asking me. You’re a nice person, but I don’t want to go out with you.
• I don’t need a new roof (double glazing, vacuum cleaner etc). I’m happy with what I have thank you.

If the person seems to have trouble accepting your “No”, then just keep repeating yourself, over and over if necessary. You might have to add the word “No” to the beginning of those statements, perhaps with some emphasis on that word. For example: 

No. I’m sorry but I really can’t at the moment.

Be wary of those self-critical thoughts afterwards. Practice challenging and/or dismissing them, by telling yourself: 

• I explained to them why I couldn’t do it
• It’s not my responsibility
• It would only end up upsetting me if I agreed to it – this is best for me. If I feel less tired and not resentful, then I might be a better position to help them out next time
• They’re just thoughts – I don’t need to pay them any attention (then put your focus of attention on something else)