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In DBT, Interpersonal
Effectiveness refers to the skills which help us to
-
Attend to relationships
-
Balance priorities versus demands
-
Balance the 'wants' and 'shoulds'
-
Build a sense of mastery and
self-respect
GAINING OUR OBJECTIVE
In order to increase our effectiveness in dealing with other people, we need to:
-
Clarify what we want from the
interaction - be as specific about that as you can
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Identify what we need to do in
order to get the results we want
DEAR MAN - helping us
gain our objective
D
Describe the current situation
E
Express
your feelings and opinions
A
Assert yourself by asking for what you want, or by saying no
R
Reward the person - let them know what they will get out of it
M
Mindful of objectives without distraction (broken record technique, ignoring
attacks)
A
Appear effective and competent (role play, use your acting skills)
N
Negotiate alternative solutions
THE RELATIONSHIP
-
How important is this relationship
for me?
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What do I want this person to feel
about me after this interaction?
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What do I need to do, in order to
keep this relationship?
Keeping the Relationship
- GIVE
G
Gentle manner without attack or threat
I
Interest in the other person
V
Validate the other person without judging
E
Easy manner (with a little humour?)
SELF-RESPECT
-
What do I want to feel about
myself after this interaction?
-
What do I have to do in order to
feel that way about myself?
Keeping to your
self-respect - FAST
F
Fair to myself and others
A
No Apologies for being alive
S
Stick to values (not do anything I'll regret later)
T
Truthful without excuses or exaggeration
More information:
Assertiveness & DBT Self Help Books
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Carol Vivyan
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